The 3 Batteries Idea: Understanding your child's energy levels and supporting recharge and recovery in daily life

Parents have spoken to me about the dilemma they sometimes wonder about with their autistic child: how much to encourage or insist that they continue doing the things in their week that they need to, or that are felt to be good for them—for example, attending school, hobbies, or meeting up with loved ones and friends.

On one side is the consideration of wanting to be sensitive to the child’s needs and wants, attempting to create a good fit between them and their daily lives without trying to fit them into non-autistic norms and expectations. The driving motivation here tends to be avoiding their child becoming exhausted, allowing space and time for rest, and protecting their energy levels so that they can then do what is needed in the week.

Alongside this, parents talk to me about their concerns of their children missing out and/or losing confidence, resilience, and stamina as they take extended periods of rest. Often, parents share a reflection such as, “If we left it up to them, they would spend all their time doing [insert favourite activity or place].” This can lead to attempts to increase what their child is doing and insisting on what needs to happen. The driving motivation here tends to be wanting their child to experience life and make the most of opportunities to grow, develop, and thrive.

Adjustments made in daily life, and planning a week that seeks to balance activity/demands with down time/rest are important ingredients to an effective support plan and appraoch. Alongside this, the experience of childhood and being parented means that, typically, there are some things children want to do and can control, whilst there are other aspects of life or tasks that parents have to support them to do, even when the child does not want to.

Developmentally speaking, young children may not yet have the cognitive hardware and software to make informed decisions about how they spend their time and what is in their best interests, both now and when considering their ongoing development. This is not to say that a child’s perspective is not important; their perspective and experience are of paramount importance to their parents. However, there are times when parents need to make decisions they believe to be in their child’s best interests that their child may not like or agree with.

As such, a flexible approach is often needed by parents to be able to gauge their child’s need and capacity to function at the edge of their comfort zone for a period of time. One way parents can support this type of flexible thinking is to consider where their child is in terms of energy level. We can consider ourselves to have three batteries that we carry and ‘run from’ in our daily lives; these can be called our normal, our reserve, and our emergency batteries.

We aim to use our normal battery as much as possible, as this one is efficient and runs on a quick charge. After more demanding days, sometimes we might start to use our reserve battery, which can help us but has less charge in it, is slightly less efficient in giving us energy, and takes longer to charge back afterwards. Unfortunately, there may also be times when, after using our normal and reserve batteries, we are left with just our emergency battery and the energy it gives us. The emergency battery has only a tiny amount of weak charge, so it does not last for long at all, and when it is used the person may be left feeling near empty/exhausted and/or burnt out. Recharging the emergency battery, followed by the reserve one, and then the normal one can take much longer.

Battery used	Ideas of how to recharge
Normal battery used	Ideas here will likely be linked to preferences in everyday life, engagement in enjoyed and pleasant activities, short periods of downtime, light or more intensive exercise, self-directed activities, being with trusted and valued others, having regular food and drink, following the usual routine, and enjoying moments with a slower pace of life alongside the working week or high-demand tasks.
Reserve battery used	Ideas here will likely be linked to short activities or breaks, naps and/or good sleep, engagement with calming and soothing activities, positive sensory activities/experiences, light exercise such as a walk in nature, time alone, healthy snacks and drinks, and a balance of flow-state activities alongside more passive activities. Fewer decisions may be taken when charging up the reserve battery.
Emergency battery used	Ideas here will likely be linked to periods of leaving a place, stopping an activity, deep rest, cancelling upcoming commitments, and, where possible, reducing immediate pressures and demands. Light physical movements, such as gentle stretching, may also help. This period of recovery may take a few days to recharge the batteries so that the normal battery can be used again.

 Thinking about what a child needs in any given moment can be challenging and complex. This is particularly the case when the child may experience aspects of life as aversive, or as more demanding, stressful, and draining. Try writing out a table of the activities and ways of recharging that you feel your child has benefited from, or may benefit from. You can also start to write notes on the signs and signals that you notice in your child that may suggest which battery they have been using to give them energy (normal, reserve, or emergency).

Another question that can be useful to ask is, “Where can my recharging happen?” The recharging of the normal battery, and sometimes the reserve battery, may be able to happen in a range of places and settings, not just at home. The emergency battery typically needs to be recharged in the safety of home.

If you would like support with thinking about these ideas in relation to your child, consultations can be booked with Dr Duncan Harris, Consultant Clinical Psychologist