What's my child's temperament and personality?

Temperament refers to the part of a person’s character that shapes their mood and the way they react to situations and behave, in other words it is the style of emotional reactivity. There is natural variation between people in terms of their temperament. People often notice the early temperament of babies and young children, leading to descriptions being used to capture this, for example, easy, difficult, energetic, on-the-go, feisty, chilled, chatty, sensitive, shy, cautious, angry, etc.

Continuums to understand temperament

One of most influential psychological theories of temperament outlined the following continuums that caregivers and parents might consider in relation to their children.

Activity level

Low --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- High

Initial reaction to new situations

Approach-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Cautious/Avoid

Adaptability to change

Low----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------High

Intensity of emotions

Mild/Subtle----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Intense

Distractibility

Low-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------High

Persistence

Low-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------High

Sensitivity to experiences

Low-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------High

Resting mood

Calm------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Restless/Irritable

Regularity in routines (sleep, active eating and toileting)

Consistent/Predictable----------------------------------------------------------Chaotic/unpredictable

Responsiveness to attempts to calm, console and soothe them Low-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------High

Caregivers/parents benefit from understanding their children’s temperament as it helps when reflecting on what approaches and strategies work best in different situations. Interestingly, specific temperaments may be easier to value (and feel less stressful to be around) for different parents, this is to be expected and part of usual family dynamics.

Continuums to understand personality

As children develop and get older, aspects of their personality become clearer and develop in ways that reflects the interaction between their temperament and life experiences. The following continuums can be used to think about children and young people when trying to understand underlying character traits. These all range from person to person and none are better or worse than others, just different. However, different combinations of a child's personality traits mean that different approaches might be more or less effective.

Openness to new experiences

Very high--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Very low

Perseverance and organisation (conscientiousness)

Very high--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Very low

Extraversion or Introversion

Very high extraversion------------------------------------------------------------Very high introversion

Agreeableness (compliance, trusting others, compromise)

Very high--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Very low

Emotional stability or instability

Very stable emotions---------------------------------Very quickly changing and intense emotions

It is understood that there is an interplay between a child’s temperament and personality and their life experiences. Character traits share how a child may interact and respond to their environment and life experiences. The way a child experiences things and responds then shapes how people tend to interact with them and treat them. The goodness of fit between the person and how life experiences feel to them (including how people interact and support them) can lead to the person being left with a sense of stress and frustration or fulfilment and satisfaction.

Trying to get it right as a parent (attunement)

An idea that has been supported in the clinical research is that a child needs their caregivers or parents to accurately ‘get’ how life feels for them around 30 percent of the time. This requires a parent to be aware not only of their own thoughts and feelings, but also holding an awareness of what their child may be thinking and feeling. This type of thinking is often called mentalisation (and reflective functioning). This type of thinking can at times come very natural and feel effortless, at other times it feels much harder to access. Managing your own stress is crucial when trying to mentalise as stress can 'shut off' this type of thinking and lead to a parent being in 'reactive' mode.

So, 30 percent 'getting' their children helps parents develop realistic expectations. The other 70 percent of the time there will be misreads and misunderstandings of the child, which can be frustrating for the child. However, these moments represent opportunities for children to learn that whilst parents might get it wrong they are committed to making things better again (repairing conflict and the impact of stressful situations). A parents commitment to the process of 'repair' helps the child learn valuable lessons about trust within healthy relationships, that is that even though their loved ones may not always understand them fully, they understand that people can try their best and can make amends when they do not ‘get’ it right in the moment. This is sometimes thought about as the process of a caregiver teaching their children about rupture and repair.

Some parents and caregivers find it helpful to consider these ideas when reflecting on how their parenting may be experienced by their children. This can lead to increasing the confidence a parent/caregiver feels and can empower them to develop even more ways to parent their children in sensitive, clear and helpful ways. Some parents value speaking with a clinical psychologist about their children's temperament and personality and how it shapes the parenting style and approaches. Dr Harris is available for consultations to support in this, enquiries can be made through the contact form.

It is important to note that there are situations where a child experiences abuse and neglect; this requires a different approach and set of supports (often with professionals) to safeguard the child's emotional wellbeing and safety. If you are concerned about this, please contact your local safeguarding service.